… hello again to typing at the kitchen table…

Sometimes I sit at the kitchen table for a change of scene, but the chair is too high for the laptop and I’m beginning to get RSI. It’s also quite distracting guessing which item of furniture the puppy will chew next. At least a trip to Guildford provided a change of scene and chance to ride the new bike.

…and indoor fun like painting rocks

Pubs and restaurants must close at 10pm. Easy, this one. You leave the pub, it’s cold and dark, you go home. The Sun informs me takeaways also close at 10, so there’s no delay by getting a kebab. In Guildford, you can visit an offie to carry on the party in Stoke Park.

But remember, it’s cold, so you’ll probably go home. Take five others, if you must, but only if there’s no one already there, including children. Remember to keep two metres between you, or wear a mask inside. Not many houses can accommodate that scale of distancing.

Facemasks are now compulsory in all retail. Meaning whenever you go anywhere that isn’t outside, except your place of work, and you’re working from home, remember, then you’ll almost certainly be wearing a mask.

Indoor workplaces are probably where you’ll be wearing a mask anyway: shops, taxis or hospitals. After 45mins in the supermarket I’m ready to rip mine off, a big incentive to work at home, with retail therapy shifting online months ago.

Don’t think I’m not grateful to those of you out there, public-facing in a mask. Before I landed a new role, I was one of you, and it’s hard to communicate when your mouth is covered with two layers of an old duvet cover held together with a piece of string. (I refuse to buy single-use plastics; Covid humanity will overcome microplastics in the sea, I’m not so sure.)

Fine for not wearing a mask doubled to £200. I’m not out and about a lot, but on visits to the shops, pubs or library, I’ve not observed anyone refuse to wear a mask. Some have forgotten, or been unaware of the new rules, but when reminded they reach into their pocket or pop on one they’re given.

My son catches the train to school and says pretty much everyone is masked. Scientists debate the effectiveness of them, some schools insist pupils have two, one for each leg of the school journey, other schools ban the “over-used, under-washed cloth variety”, prompting outrage from eco-parents who share my views on recycling. Personally, I gel my hands before I de-mask, but I am guilty of reusing. There’s no fine for that. Yet.

Weddings maximum of 15 people. This is terribly sad for brides who may have already down-scaled a big day planned for the summer. There’s some debate about whether this includes the registrar or vicar; maybe that’s the odd number. Or consider it a good excuse to ask Aunty Mabel to leave boring Uncle Ken at home.

We are in the sad position of planning a funeral, where numbers remain at 30. But we’ve discovered older people are keen to skip large gatherings and, with the average age to die in the UK at 81.27, excluding the deceased’s peer group from the wake isn’t an issue.

Adult indoor team sports off. I naively assumed this meant pub games such as darts or pool. (Hey, we’re a rugby family!) But The Sun set me straight. Indoor five-a-side football is banned, but an outdoor-organised game is OK. I suppose the government are following the science on where clusters of infection have sprouted and, despite 5Live reports about the spread within football squads, this must be safe.

Yet old habits die hard, and sportspeople are used to shaking hands with the opposition and the ref. I’ve seen several socially-distanced games end in the traditional manner so it can’t be long before we’re back to walking the dog for exercise.

The Sun’s best explanations are reserved for what it coyly calls “hook-ups”. Being happily married, I wasn’t aware people in a relationship, who weren’t in the same household, were still keeping a two-metre distance. Pretty sure none of my friends’ grownup children knew either because I’m reliably informed Tinder is as popular as ever.

So welcome to Lockdown 2. Healthline explains déjà vu occurs if “you didn’t give the experience your full attention the first time it entered your perception, so it feels like two different events. But it’s really just one continued perception of the same event”.

Well, I did give the first Lockdown my full attention, and in common with many people, my fear of the “unknown” virus has abated (I don’t even bleach my bananas anymore), so will this result in “lockdown boredom”, rule-breaking and Covid hotspots? It’s going to be a long, dark winter.