Letter: The Guildford Line of Duty – KUWA (Keeping Up With Acronynms)

Published on: 4 Apr, 2021
Updated on: 4 Apr, 2021

From: Harry Eve

In response to: Life in Solitary – Tony Edward’s Lockdown Diaries

SMILE and MASK (see Life in Solitary columns and comments thereon) are still reeling from the revelations concerning Tony Edwards treatment of his lawn and were not prepared to comment officially. However, as a mere member of both organisations, I am free to wish Tony Edwards a belated “Happy Birthday” and make the following points (if it suits him).

In some ways, Line of Duty reflects the goings-on in Guildford.

AC-12 is actually our Anti-Croydonisation Unit and we all have a duty to support it.

A diverse group of forward-thinking local residents, from a wide range of backgrounds, have also formed ACG (Abolish the Conservatives in Guildford), along with ACS (Abolish the Conservatives in Surrey). They have a rare opportunity to do something positive about their various grievances and VAT (Vote Against Tories).

WGBN – Whose Green Belt Next? – another initiative from Boris and Bob the builders with a “CHIS” [come on reader, keep up! Ed] placed in local councils across Surrey.

Under the Local Plan most local roads will indeed become SMCs but “Streets for More Cars” rather than “Sustainable Movement Corridors”. Speaking of which, a Magic Roundabout (codename Mr Hurry) to eliminate congestion on the gyratory is understood to be under consideration. Traffic will be drawn into the centre where it will disappear into a tunnel never to be seen again (at least that is what the model is believed to indicate).

Further afield (if you can still find one):

MEOW – Ministry for Elimination of Old Woodlands (currently working on HS2)
BARKING – Builders Against Rural life Keeping Inside National Government
TOERAG – someone who would Tarmac Over Everything Rural And Green just for a PILS (Profit In Land Speculation).
PCC (Prevent Climate Change) was to be a Government Department until it was realised that it was too late and it was replaced by the MCC (Mitigate Climate Change) following discussion with the Lords (who it is hoped will make a pitch for membership of SMILE and MASK).